That's a bunch of balloony

My life is a bunch of balloons, all filled with helium, ready to float away, high into the sky. The only thing keeping them from doing so is my firm grasp on their strings. I’m using one of those plastic things to keep them all intertwined. If I lose one balloon, I lose them all.

One balloon has work, which is already hard this week and it’s only Monday. I feel abandoned! My co-worker is on vacation and my boss decided it would be ok for her to take vacation this week too. So now I’m trying to do my job, trouble shoot my co-worker’s job, and hold down the fort for my boss. All while my new boss doesn’t get back to me on our timeline for transition, leaving me paralyzed from making actual, concrete moving plans. Argh. What's that sound? Is this balloon deflating? Maybe I should stop poking at it so much.

Another balloon has my mind and I think that string is slipping. What does it feel like to lose your mind? To watch it float away and take the rest of your life along for the ride? I bet it feels good. You probably start to lose touch with reality. You probably become unaware of how your actions affect others or the consequences they have. You probably don’t worry about your job, your future, your family, or anything. You probably eat whatever you want, don’t exercise, don’t stress about money, maybe not even pay your bills. And it’s ok because you’ve lost your mind! You get a leave of absence from work, go on disability for being crazy, then spend your days watching movies, sleeping, taking walks, and popping pills. It is actually starting to sound pretty good. Fine, I’m probably not going crazy, though I do feel like I better double knot that particular string.

I think one balloon has the past four years because I can’t seem to find them anywhere! Maybe that balloon floated away and is actually missing from the bunch. I don’t know where the last 4 years went. I feel like I blinked and suddenly it was four years later. There is so much I should have done, so many decisions I would change, so many relationships I should have nurtured, so much I should not have let slip away so easily. I guess this should be a lesson to me to hold on tight.

The smallest balloon has the next 4 years. I am just starting to blow that sucker up. It goes without saying that we can't change the past, but I'm saying it anyway. I can't change the past. I can't go back and do things differently or hit the pause button to catch my breath. I'm trying to take all I have learned and make the next 4 years something I can look back on with a smile. For starters, this balloon is blue and shiney, made with the newest balloon technology, and it has two strings for reinforcement. I'm not letting this balloon go. In fact, it is going to be big enough to swallow my work worries, my craziness, and my past. When I look up, I will see I am holding one balloon with two strings. Maybe I'll find someone else to hold the other string. Maybe I'll just hang on with two hands.