Regret? I choose no.

When I look back, there are many things I wish I had done differently. And there are a few things I regret. I won’t name them; that would be depressing. Is wishing I had done something differently and regretting a decision the same thing? I don’t think so. Wishing I had done something differently seems to come from future learning. It’s more of a, “If I knew then what I know now…” kind of thing. A decision I regret is an educated choice I make fully aware of the consequences and then later realize those consequences are in fact what I thought they would be.

There are a few decisions I have made that I consciously, intentionally, decided I would not regret. Again, I won’t name them. I said to myself at the time, “I’ve done my research. I understand the potential consequences. I realize I could feel regret for this choice. I am choosing to never let myself regret this decision. I know I can’t change it. I know I can’t go back. This is my choice.” It sounds dramatic but it’s not. It’s really about taking ownership and responsibility for a decision and not letting myself hate myself for it.

You’re dying for examples, I know. Too bad! You’re wondering, “Where is Eme Ashe going with this?” That I can answer.

Moving away from Seattle this time is something I could regret. I know what I am giving up. I love it here. It has been my home for nine years. I love the beauty of this part of the country; I love the variety of the city; I love the weather. At the same time, there are a lot of things here I wish I had done differently. I can choose to look back on Seattle as nine years of learning or one decision to leave as regret. I choose the former.

I am choosing to look out my window right now at this beautiful city, with a beautiful sunset, with no regret. I can do that. I am empowering myself to do that. It’s not easy, but I can do it. I am so glad I came, and left, and came back, and left, and came back. Now it’s time to leave. I don’t regret this decision. I won’t regret this decision. I have taken nine years to make sure this is right.

I’m sad. I’m scared. I’m alone. I’m at peace. Goodbye Seattle! I love you!