Here I go again

On a day-to-day basis my life is not very exciting. Anyone who has read this blog knows that. My current list of things-to-do includes goodies like, “make doctor’s appointment” and “drop stuff off at Goodwill.” Yesterday I cancelled my gym membership (that is one thing I can check off my list!) I realized it was my first real step toward ending my relationship with Seattle. No more gym. Soon I will need to find a new gym, and a new doctor, and a new dentist, and a new hairdresser, and a new bank, grocery store, post office, everything. It’s exciting and overwhelming at the same time.

I really am alone huh? When I look around my apartment at everything waiting to be done, it hits me. Who is going to take that table apart? Me. Who is going to get rid of that old bookshelf? Me. Who is going to scrub this place clean? Me. Who is going to dodge the spiders in the storage closet to clean it out? Me. I never thought I would be going though this life alone but I am. For the most part I really am comfortable in my singleness, my aloneness. Sometimes though, just sometimes, it makes me sad and it makes me angry. Where would I be if I was making life decisions with someone else? What would I have, what would I be doing? Who would I be? Why don’t I have my person? They could make me better; I could make them better. They could help me take apart the table; I could help them take apart the table. We could be moving together. Nope, it’s just me and that will have to be ok, and it is, most of the time.

I think the next few weeks are just going to fly by until suddenly, it will be time to go. I feel myself starting to get sad and a little scared. I’m used to moving (used to it and downright sick of it,) but I’ve lived in Seattle for 9 years. That is a lot of years. The last time I lived somewhere that long was Pittsburgh and it was just as hard to leave. I remember staring at the city from Mt. Washington, taking in the beauty of the lights, rivers, and bridges, trying to convince myself it was ok to leave. The city would always be there. Seattle will always be here (well, until the “Big One” hits of course.) I can’t remember the last time I was in Pittsburgh and I don’t know the next time I will be in Seattle. Here I go again on my own. Sing it.

"An' here I go again on my own
Goin' down the only road I've ever known
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone
An’ I’ve made up my mind
I ain’t wasting’ no more time"