Please don't leave me

Dear iPhone,

I understand how you feel, believe me, I do. There are others out there younger than you, prettier than you, and well, let’s face it – they probably perform better than you do too. When we first got together it wasn’t easy. We were both going through a lot of change. You dropped my calls, but I didn’t take it personally. I had to adjust to your way of thinking and did so willingly. We made it then and we can get through this too.

I am committed to this relationship. I am not going to run out and find a younger iPhone to replace you. You just have to trust me. You're coming with me back east. You'll fit right in, they have iPhones there too. So please, PLEASE, stop flinging yourself off the counter, off my desk, off the bed, and off all the other structures you seem to be using to inflict scratches on and damage to yourself. And hey, what did you do to the hairdryer? It only works on the low setting now. Wait, did you break my computer??

It’s ok, iPhone; I forgive you. You’ve changed my life; please stop trying to end yours.

Love,
Eme Ashe

PS: This letter expires as soon as Verizon gets the iPhone and then you’re going on Ebay!