A whoa, pretty pics and not much else

WHOA. I don’t think I can convey how close this was in writing.

I just stepped out onto the balcony with my laptop but forgot there was a step, twisted my ankle, lurched forward, and the momentum forced my hands over the railing. I ALMOST DROPPED MY WORK ISSUED LAPTOP OVER THE EDGE OF MY 4TH FLOOR BALCONY. That was close. I’ve already killed one laptop this week and I’d like to keep it at just the one.

Anyway...earlier in the day...

Things accomplished: Car insurance paid online. Um...that’s about it!
Activities for the day: Slept in, ate free breakfast, aquarium visit, book reading, walk on the beach, late lunch, nap.

Turns out my camera has an aquarium setting!




Pretty views from the deck.

"I think I'm gonna make it after all!"

My room is darn-near perfect! The hotel even had a noise fan for me (because the white noise of the ocean just won’t do it.) The couch is comfy, the bed is even comfier, the internet signal is “excellent,” Dell and I are getting along just fine, and the ocean is a stone’s throw away (if you’re in the major leagues but still, pretty close!) There is nothing between my balcony and the water except sand, some rocks, and maybe a tree of some sort. Point being, it’s quiet. Now, since I’m used to complaining, I will say that when someone slams their door it’s loud and the floor shakes a little. Reminds me of my apartment!

Oh wait, I want to keep the door open to hear the waves but it is a cool 55 outside (because while I am at the ocean, I am still in the Pacific North West. I wouldn’t exactly call this the beach.) What to do, what to do…I know! I’ll turn on my gas fireplace and keep the door open! Perfect.

-Tonight is the Bachelorette and starting my new book.
-Tomorrow is the aquarium and reading my new book.
-Wednesday is that phone call I can’t mention and probably finishing my new book.

Seems to be shaping up to be a pretty nice week. Wow, I needed this. Like, REALLY needed this. I don’t think I’ve ever gone away for three nights by myself before. It might get lonely but I have Dell, my book, the ocean…I think I’m gonna make it.

Responsibility is Not Overrated

A few friends have mentioned concern that I am sharing too much information on my blog, particularly related to employment. Perhaps they are just trying to say, "Stop talking about your job already!" Their argument is that if someone from my employer stumbled onto this site, I could find myself in a bit of a pickle. As much as I love pickles, I decided they are probably right. I'll try to be a little more careful and perhaps take down any mention of my actual employer. From now on I will speak of working for a "large non-profit organization" or LNPO. I will have to go back and edit my posts for mention of specific LNPO.

This weekend was quite busy. There was much time spent with friends, celebrating promotions, reunions, and new life. This morning I did the "walk of responsibility," which is akin to the walk of shame and feels remarkably similar. After a nice, relaxing BBQ on Saturday night, with the blink of an eye I found myself in the middle of a chinese restaurant doing karaoke and drinking a MGD (a beer I haven't had in years.) After a few MGDs I knew getting behind the wheel was no option and rather than being stranded car-less today, I crashed on my friend's air mattress in a borrowed T-shirt, with my contacts seemingly glued to my eyeballs. When I left this morning with a headache and eye pain, it felt rather "walk of shameish." In reality, it was a walk of responsibility and knowing I made the responsible choice feels good. Here are a few pictures from the night.




Speaking of responsibility, two of my friends brought a baby into the world today! Congrats L and S! And yes, his picture is already plastered all over the internet, inluding on my blog. Baby's picture also took the coveted wallpaper spot on my iPhone today; that's a pretty big deal so you know he must be cute. It's crazy when a friend has a baby. Yesterday we were all at a BBQ together, she left, I karaoked, and now there is a new person in this world. L and S are responsible for his life for the rest of theirs. Sure puts things into perspective! I'm excited to watch this little guy grow up. Here are some pictures taken during his first few hours of life.





In other news, my iBook died this morning. Died as in, WON'T EVEN TURN ON. I'm crying on the inside. Thank goodness for my work-issued Dell laptop! C'mon Dell, we're going on vacation! I'm headed to the Oregon coast in the morning for a few days. Dell and I will post pictures during our journey so stay tuned!

Victorious Concession

I have an offer letter in my purse. It’s official! It’s officially official. I have the job; I got a raise; I can stay with the LNPO; I can move. Wow. I feel like this should be a victory but in some ways, it feels like a concession. A concession I am willing to make. I just wonder how many more times in my life I am going to say that.

TIME OUT: If you’re thinking, “Hey, this girl sounds down and out. She is being negative. She is looking a gift horse in the mouth. She is ungrateful. I hate her.” stop reading, stop reading, now. I thought about posting a fake, “I am so excited, yay, yay, yay!” post but that would be for you and not for me. This post is authentic, is where I’m at, and in the end will turn out ok. I promise.

When I first graduated from college it was August 2001. Well, we all know what happened in September 2001 unfortunately, and we all probably know what happened to the economy right after that. It was not exactly a good time to be 1) unemployed, 2) a recent college graduate, or 3) a recent college graduate with a psychology degree. That first year and a half after graduation was pure hell. I worked three part-time jobs just to pay the bills, went on upwards of 40 interviews (I am not exaggerating,) and somehow ended up working a seasonal position at Eddie Bauer and living in one of those “extended stay” type places for a few weeks. What should have been a great adventure in my young adult life turned into rotten luck, rotten timing, and well, a rotten year.

I suppose that wasn’t a concession. Like I said, that was rotten timing. My concession came when I accepted my first official full-time job. After temping for a few months (after the year and a half of hell,) I was hired (by what turned out to be a truly awesome company with truly awesome people) into a boring, mundane, job that had nothing to do with anything. I still remember the day I sat in HR’s office as the offer was presented to me and the HR person commented on how, “I didn’t seem excited.” It was a feeling of exhaustion, relief, and disappointment all rolled into one. Concession.

When I left my salaried job in the financial aid world half way through grad school for a HR job that involved a massive pay cut, well, it didn’t feel good. It some ways it was a concession but in other ways it was a necessary sacrifice to re-direct my career. I suppose it worked, or is working, but it hasn’t been an easy road.

Today, I feel like I am making a concession and a sacrifice at the same time. I am conceding to take a job I didn't picture myself in, but that is still in my career path and with my organization, so I can move, be closer to family and start a new chapter in my life. The move is what I want but the ins and outs of the job are not exactly perfect. This is not a victory. This is a gift and I recognize that. Honestly, this post is not about me being ungrateful for an opportunity that in many ways is giving me exactly what I want. Two months ago I would never have thought staying with the LNPO and moving was possible. This is a gift.

I just hope that someday this is all worth it. Some day I’ll say, “yes, I am exactly where I want to be. I worked hard to get here. I feel victory.”

Today, I have the job; I got a raise; I can stay with the LNPO; I can move.
Monday, I am going on a much needed, mini-vacation to the Oregon coast.
Soon, I will sign an offer letter and start a new position.

No matter what happens, I feel good. This will turn out well. I have a job. I am moving. So in this moment, right now, I am victorious in my concession and that feels good.

IT'S OFFICIALLY OFFICIAL! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT A RAISE! I'M MOVING HOME!

IT saved my butt and my halo

I finally understand self-sabotage. It’s not intentional, it’s not conscious. It’s stealthy and quick.

Today I sent a huge, long email to my probable new boss about the new job and that I want to relocate in August and that I know I am taking a risk and the position might not work out and blah, blah, blah. I feel good about it, relieved that I have clearly said everything I need to say. I have thought through all of my options and I understand the potential consequences. I feel peaceful and calm. Hours later I get a wonderful reply that only leads me to believe I will get this job, I will move in August, and I can soon cry tears of joy. I end my day hoping for/expecting an offer tomorrow.

THEN – then I misunderstand some instructions from my boss and I send a spreadsheet with CONFIDENTIAL SALARY INFORMATION to an employee. CONFIDENTIAL SALARY INFORMATION OF HER WHOLE TEAM. I know what you’re thinking – how did this happen? Well, my boss said, “Add so-and-so” and I thought she meant to ADD that person to the email conversation. No, she meant ADD her to the spreadsheet. As in, add her confidential salary information to the spreadsheet too not forward the whole dang thing to her. Well, it was an honest mistake. This employee is a mid-manager so it would make sense to include her. Except that…NO, NO, NO!

Let’s just say the past hour was incredibly stressful. I lost some hair and probably a few years. My IT department just saved my butt. I think I professed my love to two, maybe three, different IT guys multiple times. Emails deleted, with only a minute chance they were read. I can keep my job, my sanity, my HR halo, and hopefully, my new position.

HR is hard. Don’t you forget it.

Obseroughts

Observations

Now that the sun is out in Seattle the tourists are in clear view. Newly arrived sunshine is reflecting off their brand new, bright white sneakers, blinding me as I try to navigate the streets. Tourists are scampering out of the way of my car as they “ooo” and “ahh.” New cargo pants, backpacks, sunglasses, sunglasses strings, khaki shorts, sneakers, and walking shoes are everywhere. My morning coffee shop has become overrun as tourists trickle out of the new hotel across the street into a Seattle staple. I love living in a place that is a true destination location. I feel proud that while tourists are wondering what it would be like to live here, I already know. I get to see the beauty of this city, its mountains and water, everyday. (Well, every day the sun is out so really, just a few times this year.) I welcome these tourists here to stimulate the Seattle economy and enjoy the wonder that is my city - except at 5:00 when everyone else is on vacation but me and the tourists stand directly in my way without a care in the world. Have I mentioned that I haven’t had a vacation in a really long time? Thank goodness I am taking next week off for no other reason than to relax and reconcile my crazy.

Happy Thoughts

I am wearing capris!
Last night I couldn’t sleep – because I was too hot!
The sun is out again!
I am on vacation next week!
I am moving to another destination location!
People keep walking by my office with flippy sandals. It’s loud. But it’s so nice out, people can wear sandals!
I am sitting cross legged in my chair. My foot is asleep!
My friend is having a baby in 2 days! (Or whenever the little bugger decides to come out.)

The Lowdown

I know. You’re in suspense. Me too! I am ready for this emotional roller coaster to be over. Down the last hill, parked at the bottom, with a whole new crowd of people getting onboard. Here is the lowdown and all I have the energy for at the moment.

1. No offer today. It turns out the meeting was just a meeting. Not a meeting with an offer at the end of it.
2. At said meeting I received a little more information. Turns out this opportunity is more of a trial situation. We will be “trying” this recruiting structure and evaluating its success after 60 days.
3. So…that means I shouldn’t/can’t move until we have a chance to see if this is working for everyone. Knowing the LNPO, this will not happen at 60 days. We tend to move slowly around here.
4. I also received a message from a recruiter about a position that I applied for. Funny thing is, she found my resume on Monster and didn’t even know I had applied.
5. I called her back and left a message. Then I stalked her on LinkedIn and sent her an email. I hope to hear back tomorrow. I hope she doesn’t think I’m crazy.
6. This job would involve local NC travel. This job would be a generalist HR role, not just recruiting.
7. Right this moment I am back to thinking – maybe I shouldn’t let one company dictate my life and career course.
8. Maybe this opportunity I heard about today would work out.
9. Maybe I should take the risk, leave the LNPO, move back east and find a job I really want to do.
10. I was told I would have an offer by Friday.

I will be accepting any and all advice. I know the practical and emotional sides but how do I integrate them to reach the right decision?

Fending Off the Fuzz

Ok, ok, I know, I'm whining. I'm up and down and impatient and unpredictable. I'm crazy, I know. We can talk about it; it's not the elephant in the room that we can't mention. I love elephants. I have one around my neck and sitting next to me right now in fact. I hear what you are all saying and I hear what I am saying to myself. This is how I process emotions. I weigh all the possibilities and I see how I feel about each one. Then I pass out from exhaustion and start the process over again. This will all be over tomorrow as I am expecting an official offer and a conversation about details.

Now, for being such troopers through all of this, I thought I would liven up the blog with a true story about a trooper. This is from my first trip across the country, June 2001, told in the first person. It is terrible writing but it's a true story.

“My shoes, my shoes!” I screeched as J scrambled to hand me my over sized, over worn, sandals that were resting on the floor of the passenger side. I watched the speedometer eek down slowly from where it had peaked. I knew as soon as I saw the police officer in his SUV headed in the opposite direction that I was in trouble. Sure enough, he did a u-turn across the median, flipped on his siren, and chased me down. Before I knew it, my license and registration were in his hands and I was in the passenger seat of his SUV. After running my plates and my license, he got out of the car to talk to J. He had her step out of the car, turn her back to me, and then he proceeded to interrogate her, complete with the arms crossed, frown on his face, tough-guy sunglasses look. After what seemed like an eternity he came back.

“You looked mad. When I was talking to your friend there and you were sitting in the truck. Why were you looking mad?” the cop asked me. I knew he was using his psychology on me, being tough, pretending to be on one of those detective shows or something. He thought he was on to something big, I could tell.

“I was thinking about how long it took me to pack that car. If I have to unpack it I’m going to be mad,” I replied honestly, nervously thinking about the police dog caged up behind me, the expense of the impending ticket, and the tornado storms just to our south that kept being mentioned on the police radio. My Sunfire was packed with the expertise and precision of a design engineer. There was no way I was going to unload all of my stuff onto the side of the interstate for no good reason. (Now, to be clear, I am pretty sure, but not confident, this was the order in which these events occurred. That is what makes it such a bizarre story. He was immediately suspicious of me simply because I was speeding. Maybe it was the spoiler on my car. You know, that pretty blue spoiler screamed "drug dealer!")

“I’m going to take the dog out and sniff around the car. I’m not going to find anything am I?” he asked. It took a minute before it dawned on me this guy was asking me if I had drugs in my car. If I had drugs would I really be driving that fast? Couldn’t I just be a nice girl from Pittsburgh on a joy ride to Seattle? I hadn’t even seen a drug at that point in my life, well, not the kind of drug that he was talking about. In fact, I probably have still never actually seen what ever drug he was looking for. (I am that innocent. No, for real.)

“No sir,” I said, I’m sure with just a touch of arrogance. Out they went, around the car a few times, the dog briefly stopping. It was an odd experience to watch them circle the car with J inside. I wonder what she was thinking. (J if you read this, tell me what you were thinking!) “All clear?” I asked when they returned.

Silence.

“He smelled something. Behind the passenger door.”

I thought hard for a moment. My sneakers? Well, they had smelled up a room so bad a few years ago my friends and I identified a mattress as the culprit. It was only after we disposed of it that we realized the smell was actually coming from my shoes. It was humbling to say the least. No, in this case it was not my shoes. I was certain it was the vitamins. “J has these vitamins that smell pretty bad. Maybe that was it?” I said/asked. Yuck, the vitamins she had were natural and smelled so bad that I can still smell them to this day. The memory of that smell is embedded in my brain. We had discussed the intensity of the vitamins earlier, probably because I smelled them from across the township before I picked her up.

“Your friend mentioned the vitamins,” he said with a hint of disappointment in his voice. I think he was dismayed that our stories were lining up, but he was clearly still convinced we had drugs. Maybe it was a slow night for him. Maybe he needed something to tell his wife so she would stop nagging him about being a cop. After all, what really happens in South Dakota? Nothing. She is probably tired of his boring stories and wants him to get a more interesting profession. With hopeful skepticism he asked, “What were you doing before you left Pittsburgh? Were you around something the dog could have picked up?”

Trying not to laugh at the irony, I said, “Honestly? I was hanging out with the Youth Leader at my church.” That was the truth. Back in those days I was damn near angelic (ok, that might be a slight exaggeration) and had spent my last night in Pittsburgh with him and probably some of the youth group kids.

I don’t remember how he responded but I do know part of him did not believe me. C’mon, you’ve all seen my face on the “Who is Eme Ashe?" page. I’m trustworthy, usually, and in that moment I was being honest with only a little bit of attitude. (You have to give attitude to a cop in his SUV with a scary dog 6 inches away right?) I don’t know why he didn’t want to see the vitamins but that would have ended his speculation. I guess the cop slowly admitted to himself that we didn’t have drugs, no matter how much he wished we did. Or maybe he just wanted to get home in time for dinner. He handed me my inevitable speeding ticket and J and I were on our way. The guy was kind of a jerk, but to be fair, I deserved the ticket. And no, I am not going to tell you how fast I was going.

A Lot of P and Not Much Else

Patience
Remember that time I posted something about how I would accept any and all lowball offers? I think I changed my mind. I found out a few things today. 1) I am definitely getting an offer. 2) It is definitely going to be less than I thought. It is in fact a veritable “low ball.” 3) My new title would be Recruiter. 4) I would be a 100% Recruiter. 5) I would be doing nothing but recruiting. 6) I would be barely using either degree and be making way less than anyone else doing my same job in the for-profit world and I would be only recruiting. 7) Recruiting would be the thing that I am doing and pretty much nothing else.

That’s right, I have the job description and it is a lot of what I am doing now plus a lot more recruiting for not much more money. I’ve thought and thought and thought about this. The absolute truth is 1) this is not by any means my “ideal” job or even close to my “ideal” job, 2) this is a job I could do and do well, 3) this job would allow me to stay with the AHA indefinitely, and finally, 4) I will not take this job unless I can do it from a home office in Ashvegas. That is my decision (always subject to change of course. No surprise there.)

I can’t take this job if they tell me I have to move to Texas. Or if they tell me I have to move somewhere specific that I would hate. If they tell me I can move back east but will have to move to a location with an AHA office, I would consider that. Consider that. I guess my patience will have to hold-up for a few more days.

Priorities
I’ve had a lot of time to think over the past year. I intentionally locked myself into a year-long lease so I could force myself to think through my priorities and next steps in life. I knew I didn’t want to provide myself the opportunity to leave Seattle in a flurry of emotion. I don’t want to leave until I am sure. Well, the truth is, I am never going to be sure. I’m not in a place right now where I can be truly sure about anything. My brain just isn’t working that way.

I am sure that 1) my life here is currently, and has been, a dead-end, 2) I am going to miss this city and this part of the world, 3) I have a really stinkin’ cute niece who doesn’t know me – DOESN’T KNOW ME, 4) I have a really cute nephew who does know me but is going to forget me pretty soon, 5) the rest of my family is not as cute but just as lovely and it’s about time I put them above myself.

At the end of the day it’s pretty clear. I hope this job works out, I do, but I am moving back east at the end of August with or without it. That is my decision.

Peanut Butter
Oh my gosh, have you had the Chocolate Peanut Butter ice cream from Tillamook? It is love at first dig-through-the-chocolate-to-get-to-the-peanut-butter bite.

Photos Speak Louder Than Words

I wanted to take a minute to illustrate the significance of weather in Seattle. (I rarely tire of weather talk. I warned you.) Last weekend was GORGEOUS, in fact it was so beautiful that I took this photo from my deck just to capture the moment.

This weekend is disgusting. DISGUSTING. It is June 20th, almost the summer solstice, and it is 56 degrees and raining. Not to capture the moment, rather for comparison's sake, I snapped this photo. No, this is not a black and white photo. No, this is not a photo of Seattle from long ago. This is a photo taken from the very same spot of the very same view as 7 days ago.


You see, this is why people in Seattle mention the weather so often, especially during a year like this, when we have October weather in June, (more accurately, October through June). When the weather is nice and the sun makes an appearance this is the prettiest place on earth. It is the Emerald City - it is shiny and new and magical and breathtaking. The weather of today is just a sad reminder of what was and what isn't. Literally, the city is covered and we can do nothing but sit and wait for its beauty to be unveiled.

Today, I feel like Seattle is stuck in time. The rest of the country is moving forward, through the seasons, into summer. School is out, picnics are happening, children are playing. Here, I am laying in bed until 10am simply because it is dark, gray, and cold. I don't want to get out of my cozy covers; I don't want to go outside.

I love the rain. I love this weather. But not ALL THE TIME. Even my melancholy, romanticized, drink-coffee-watch-the-rain-fall-in-love-write-a-poem psyche can't take this.

No Reactions, Just Weather

I know what you're feeling right now. You want to react to this post, and all of my posts and everything I've ever said, but your only option is to verbally share with your computer how you feel. Or write a comment. You're frustrated and a little confused.

What happened to the reaction boxes? Did I change my mind again? Yes, yes I did. This blog, like my life, is a work in progress that is constantly subject to change. I decided I didn't like them, those pesky reaction boxes. I didn't like the feeling of wondering how people felt about my posts. I didn't like the feeling of thinking, "no reaction? really? 'cause that was funny." That is not what this blog is about so I have removed them. I am, however, looking forward to reading and writing comments. I promise never to take the comment boxes away. After all, you can have a voice on this blog too, if you want.

Have I mentioned the weather recently? No? Oh. Well, that is because it is still gray and rainy and cold. Still. Speaking of the weather, Komo4's weather blog had a post yesterday that I had to watch. I even broke the "no streaming video" rule at work to watch it. The Climate Prediction Center (or something like that) has issued a "La Nina" watch starting this month. Meaning we can expect cooler than normal temperatures and will probably have a very cold and wet winter. I am feeling two things after having read this. 1) Wow, this summer is really not going to happen. It is going to go from Seattle's current 9 month season of constant Finter back to Finter. 2) I am looking forward to Ashvegas where I may complain about the heat and humidity occasionally (ok, for about 3 months straight I'm sure,) but at least I will actually experience true season change again.

That's right, I'm going to just post and post about the weather and you can't even click the "boring" box 25 times!

Clear Blue Not-So-Easy

Have you ever known someone who thought they were pregnant? Someone who wasn’t trying to get pregnant? A pregnancy scare. In the end they weren’t pregnant but they realized through the ordeal that the negative test result made them sad. They realized they actually were ready to be pregnant. Well, I am not pregnant, and this post actually has nothing to do with pregnancy. No, this post is about my possible job offer. Yes, again. It’s all consuming because it is so much more than just a job offer. It’s my entire future; it’s the catalyst that will set all of my plans in motion. What if it doesn’t happen? What if all this potential energy never becomes kinetic? What if the ball never rolls forward to push the bar that releases the marble that triggers the switch to light up the bulb? What if, what if...eh, I’m exhausted.

As I have been thinking about this possible opportunity and the possibility of it not happening, I realized something. I want this job; I want this to work out. I haven’t heard anything yet but knowing what I know, I am concerned. It is budget time and since hiring me is part of a proposed, small restructure I am afraid the budget is the hold up and I am terrified this will not actually go through. I know, good things are worth waiting for and I’ll wait. It’s the waiting for something certain, something definite that is the hard part. I also realized they don’t have to pay me more, they just have to pay me. This is a new realization, a new mental compromise. This job is my ticket, I’ll take it. Low ball me. It’s ok. I’ll take it. Screw that Master’s degree or that “what I’m worth” crap. I’ll take it. Just approve it, put it through, make the offer. Don’t change your mind. Please don’t change your mind.

Turn blue, two lines, a plus sign, whatever! Just give me a positive result.

5 Stages of iGrief

I’ve had a few long term relationships in my time. Some have ended. I understand loss. Most notably, nine years with my Sunfire. It was a good run. I’ve had my TI-83 calculator for about 14. There is a little table I made as a child that I still have, now about 22 years old. And then there is my iBookG4. It’s almost 5. In computer years I think that makes it close to 100. The battery is shot and costs $125 to replace so I just plug it in to an outlet and type away. It makes a weird sound sometimes that rivals the noise of a refrigerator actively cooling (ok, the sound of MY refrigerator actively cooling). I’ve become accustomed to these grumbling sounds and faithfully shut it down each night so it can get its rest. It’s tired, it’s old, it’s failing, and I can’t ignore it anymore. A few weeks ago the screen filled with an error message and told me to reboot. I panicked. I had never seen that before. Thankfully I was with Brian H. (shout out!) who is a Mac person and employee. He also can remain calm in a crisis, or at least in the midst of my crisis. We rebooted. It happened again. I freaked out. It happened a third time and I turned on him, “It’s your scanner! I blame the scanner!” iAnger. We took out the battery and put it back in. That seemed to work. For awhile. The next day I used the scanner again and got the error message later that night. I felt vindicated; it was the scanner’s fault. iDenial.

It wasn’t the scanner. It’s happened twice more in the past week. Last night I removed the battery and put it on my dresser. Maybe it’s the battery’s fault and the computer is actually fine. The battery is poisoning my computer. Maybe a new battery will solve the problem and give us another year together. iBargaining. Maybe not. I can’t afford a new computer! I am trying to save to move and not doing a very good job at that. It figures. I finally have created a blog that I am super excited about, I’ve found a healthy outlet for my creativity and frustrations, I am starting to understand and edit HTML, I have fallen in love with my Mac all over again and now, this. iBook? Why? Why now? iDepression.

Brian – I will probably be calling you soon to utilize that 10% discount. iAcceptance.

Pretty. Wrong.

I found these earrings at a local market. The artist takes old silverware and turns it into jewelry. I was convinced they were exactly like the silverware my parents have that I used the whole time I was growing up. I felt happy and sad and nostalgic all at once. I wanted to show how similar they are by posting pictures of both.

Well, it turns out I was wrong. They are almost nothing alike. Maybe these earrings are the same as my grandparent's silverware? Or maybe they match the silverware from my first life. Yes, that is a much better possibility.

Seattle Stress

I’ve heard stress can take a toll on the body. It’s true. Last week I developed a weird twitch in my left arm. I think it was more from not getting enough sleep but the not sleeping part was caused by stress. I know, I’ve got it good, why be stressed? It’s the waiting, the uncertainty, and the enormity of what lay ahead. Last night I could not get to sleep. My mind just wouldn’t stop racing. Eventually I resorted to Nyquil to knock me out and it worked as usual. ‘tis a faithful and reliable friend. Of course today I can barely keep my eyes open because they are half exhausted and half drugged. I also had crazy dreams including a fight with a friend, a boob job, and a party in Blacksburg. Weird.

On my way to the office yesterday I was crossing the street in a crosswalk when all of a sudden the guy passing me turned and said, “You got any money? Just a dollar?” My typical response is a cool but firm, “sorry man.” I’m just not inclined to give money to strangers on the street. I work downtown and this kind of thing happens a lot. I think my internal stress transformed itself into eyeball daggers because that was my response to this man yesterday. A full, evil, silent glare that I held on him eyeballs-to-eyeballs for an uncomfortable number of seconds. I think it communicated something like, “No. I am tired of people asking me for money. I am tired of you right this second. I am cranky, stressed, and just trying to cross the street.” Mean huh?

In another situation from this past weekend, I was in my car stopped at a red light with my window half way down. The panhandler on the corner approached my car with a painful hobble and half shouted oh-so-politely, “Hey! Hey! I just wanted to tell you that I like your sticker. I like your sticker!” Then he gave me a wave and a smile and hobbled back to the curb. That is the power of a Steelers sticker my friends. This guy was about 25, with only one leg and had probably lost the other in Iraq. Sure, maybe he says that kind of thing to everyone but somehow, I don’t think so. His motive could have been to appeal to the Steelers lover in me and then extort me for all the money I had. I don’t think that was his intention but it just might have worked. The Steelers community is remarkable and I am sure I will have much to say on the subject going forward. It is a community where we are all safe, we are all friends, and we reach out to one another. Let me tell you, if in that moment I had cash in my car for the one-legged Steelers fan, chances are I would have given him all of it.

At the end of the day, I am truly thankful that my stress is from waiting for a job offer and waiting for things to change for the better, not stress from trying to figure out where to sleep or what to eat. I will try to remember that the next time I am approached on the street. While I may not be inclined to hand over a dollar or two, a cup of coffee or even a hopeful smile might relieve a smidgen of stress for someone else, Steelers fan or not.

Send the Message

I added reaction boxes to my posts so you can vote on how you find them: Funny, Interesting, Boring or Dumb. You may be thinking, “Wow, that was the dumbest post I have ever read. Why did she think anyone would care that she ate a carrot and her finger turned orange?” Well now, in addition to or instead of making a comment about how dumb and boring my post is, you can vote for it too! “Voting” is anonymous and you can vote for multiple boxes as many times as you want. I encourage this kind of feedback; this is not a trick. I swear.

As a new blogger, I am finding the balance between writing for myself and writing for an audience. If I hadn’t wanted an audience, I wouldn’t have shared this blog via email, Twitter, Facebook, carrier pigeon, etc. I want to stay in touch with you and I want you to know what is going on with me. Maybe you are an old friend, a family member, or even a friend of a friend who hasn’t met me yet. Maybe you stumbled across this blog and will never meet me. Well, I want my readers to be engaged and feel like they have a voice on this blog too. Now, clearly, at the end of the day the voice is mine and well frankly, it’s all about me. That doesn’t mean it has to be all about me all the time.

If you feel strongly about a post, I urge you to select the box that is closest to how you’re feeling or thinking about that specific post. This will just make the blog better for me and for you. For example, let’s say I find myself blogging about being single. At first, no big deal, it’s fine, kind of humorous even. Then, it becomes every single post and you just want it to stop. It’s possible I don’t even realize what has happened, and I am just blogging out of control on a one-track mission straight to blogger alienation land. I need you to tell me. I need you to select “boring” 25 times until I get the message.

Tom Petty Said it Best

He’s right, I hope. The waiting is the hardest part. I have been patiently waiting for about 6 weeks now for a final, real, 100% decision regarding my potential new position. If you have read the FAQ, you know everything is still at 99%. I would say at this point, the possibility of me taking on a new role is at 99.9%. Ok, so what is missing? A few, very minor, details. 1) a job description, 2) a job title, and 3) an actual job offer. Like I said, MINOR. I was told Monday or Tuesday of this week I will probably hear something for sure. Monday is just about over and Tuesday is pretty soon. My bet is on Thursday if I’m lucky, with Friday being more likely.

I don’t know if I can make it. It is getting increasingly difficult to concentrate. I have channeled my nervous energy into this blog, can you tell? Today, the blog is up and running with much of its content already created. Now what? Now I have to keep coming up with creative, entertaining posts that both my audience and myself will find worth reading for years to come. It’s too much pressure I tell ya! So, I’m going to resort to a comic strip related to my job that has had me laughing for years and shows no signs of stopping. Ah, if only I could really give references like this.

Live Pictures from Asheville This Weekend

Proof there is rain nearby (since we now all know how much I love the rain). I believe this picture was taken in Tennessee.

Welcome Back!

I hope you followed me over to my new site. I promise, no more changes, just improvements! Here is all the new information you need to get a hold of me. You'll have to reset your blog link and re-follow me on Google but Twitter will just change magically.

Blog: http://emeashe.blogspot.com/
Twitter: @EmeAshe
Email: EmeAshe@gmail.com

Again, if you know me, you get it. And if you know me and still don't get it, that's ok too. If you don't know me and don't get it, just keep coming back to my blog and eventually you might begin to understand the inner workings of my mind. I wanted everything to be consistent and not be taking an Emerald Ash artist's name or the name of a weird bug that may destroy all mankind.

The only thing the blog lost when I switched over to the new site were the comments on the individual pages. It's too bad but it's the price I'm willing to pay. I realize I may lose a follower or two and there will be a lot of head shaking across the country. I know I'm crazy. Ok? And knowing is half the battle.

My first new follower gets a Shout Out! (Please identify yourself in the comments section in case I don't check back for awhile and have 1 Million followers and can't tell who was first. Thanks!)

Something Happened Tonight

I went to a Mexican restaurant that is very special to me and my Seattleites. Megan and Martine helped me use toasting the blog as an excuse to have a margarita and a delicious dinner.

Then we went to Greenlake and took in the view for an hour or so. The water, the sunshine, ducks, toddlers, and dogs. And then it happened. I fell in love. She is a 6-year-old named Paris. Ok, I know, the name is terrible but she wandered past me at Greenlake and I was in love before I knew her name. She is a grey & white Havanese dog! I’m not a dog person. They are cute and fuzzy and playful but I don’t want to pick up poo. Ok? Does anyone really like picking up poo? Is this something I would get used to? I’m not convinced.

Though, looking forward a few months, I may be in the best position possible to take in a puppy or dog. I will be home a lot. I will probably be lonely. I will need an excuse to meet people and as proven tonight, people will fall in love with my Havanese. I, of course, immediately started the research process (aka Google). These cute things are apparently purebred and look kind of pricey, but oh so fuzzy and adorable. We’ll see. It could happen. I’m just sayin’. And if I never get a dog, fuzzy and cute, at least I'll always have...Paris!

Weathering the Weather (Posts, Tweets, and Comments)

Let’s just get something out of the way; I love weather. I love to watch the weather, I love to guess the weather, and I love to complain about the weather. I love weather. If you have read my “Who’s That Girl?” page you already knew that. However, I think this weather thing requires a special mention. My boss calls me ‘weather girl;’ I might have a problem.

Over the course of this blog, I will make many posts, tweets, and comments related to weather. I just will, I can't help it, it's what I do. It might get tiresome to the reader; it might get redundant. But it’s my voice on this thing so far and my voice tends to be weather focused at times. If it’s too much, just drop me a note. If it’s entertaining, well that’s ok to comment about too. If it’s scientifically or otherwise fascinating, email me about starting a weather fan club. I might be interested.

So, what is it about the weather? I think it goes back to my tortured middle school days where I learned to write poetry and got kind of good at it after awhile. I thought so at the time at least. There is something about using poetry to express oneself; and there is something about writing poetry while watching the rain, snow, or a storm. These days, I tend to curl up with a cup of coffee, and a journal or my iBook G4, and write the day away; though I rarely write a poem anymore. (In case you couldn't guess, it's raining in Seattle as I type this.)

When people ask me what brought me to Seattle, my first answer is always, “the rain.” It’s true. I have loved the rain since I was about 12 years old. Seattle was always associated with the rain so my curiosity grew. When I moved here, I got hooked on the weather blog at KOMO4 . I know I complain about the rain but the truth is, I love these cool, rainy days with low humidity that we have. Going back east is going to be quite the adjustment. You know, with the high dew point and all (right Dad?) Besides, come on, thunderstorms are cool.

On a serious note, my condolences to the man who just lost his fiancé earlier this week by a lightning strike near Asheville. This is a tragic story and a sad reminder of the power of weather. See below.

ASHEVILLE, N.C. (AP) - Richard Butler wanted his girlfriend to think they were just taking a scenic hike in the North Carolina mountains, but he had a secret plan. When they got to the top, he planned to pull out a ring and ask her to be his bride.

Lightning struck three times as the Knoxville, Tenn., couple were on Max Patch Bald, near Asheville. The third hit Butler, 30, and his girlfriend, Bethany Lott, 25, killing her on Friday, he told the Asheville Citizen Times. He suffered third degree burns.

"She didn't say anything, and I turned around and she was laying a few feet away, and I crawled to her," he told the newspaper on Monday. "I did CPR for probably 15 minutes and the whole time was trying her cell phone, but I couldn't get anything out."

He described the lightning strike.

"I was spun 180 degrees and thrown several feet back," he told the newspaper. "My legs turned to Jello, my shoes were smoking and the bottom of my feet felt like they were on fire."

His mother, Janet Delaney, said her future daughter-in-law loved the mountains.

"She hiked thousands of miles and spent a couple of years in Utah just hiking," Delaney, also of Knoxville, told The Associated Press.

She and her son are mourning instead of celebrating the joy the engagement would have brought.

"The first couple of times I met her, I felt she was my own daughter," Delaney said. "She made my life complete and my son's life complete."

Heavy rain let up as the two walked toward the bald, but more bad weather returned including the lightning, Butler said.

"Her last words were, 'Look at how beautiful it is,"' Delaney said.

Butler turned around to see his fiancee lying on the hill.

Unable to carry her down the hill, Butler drove to the first home he found. A father and his son, who was home on leave from the Navy, jumped in Butler's truck and raced back to the bald.

"They stood on the top of the hill doing what they could for probably 20 minutes until the rescuers got there," Butler said.

After rescuers arrived, they tried unsuccessfully to resuscitate Lott. Services for her will be this week in New Tazewell, Tenn.

Butler suffered third-degree burns, but Delaney said he hasn't been to a doctor despite her urging him to go. She said his emotions seem to be in good shape.

"He's holding up better than I thought he would," Delaney said tearfully, adding, "He's going to try to go on."
--
Associated Press Writer Joe Edwards in Nashville, Tenn., contributed to this report.

Launch Day!

Welcome to blog launch day for emeashe.blogspot.com! I chose today as blog launch day for no special reason, other than the fact that I was ready to share my creation with the world. Ok, partially because writing “Six.Ten.Ten.” looked kind of cool, you know with the whole three letters thing…no? Ah, forget it. Thanks for visiting my blog! I am excited to continue to add content and pictures in the upcoming weeks and months. I hope this blog will keep you informed and entertained. You are welcome to share the link with whomever you choose. I also encourage you to add your comments if so moved and become a “follower” on Google (see the bottom right of the page). As I mentioned in my earlier post I am trying the whole Twitter thang so follow me on Twitter too: @EmeAshe.

I would love to hear stories or comments about Seattle, Asheville, and everywhere in between. You can email me directly at EmeAshe@gmail.com. I will happily post any stories or comments you have so everyone can read (upon request of course). Thanks for visiting and come back soon!

Tweeting Twitt

I got cocky. I thought I had Twitter figured out. I didn’t. I don’t. But I’m a lot closer than I was yesterday and not everyone can say that. I know they have a tutorial page to learn the lingo and such; why won’t I read it? Am I that stubborn? Yes, yes I am. Like I said, today I made a lot of progress on my relationship with Twitter. I think in the end we will have a rewarding and lasting relationship. I have successfully added the Twitter widget to my page and thankfully, it is not as intrusive as I was expecting. I have even managed to somewhat color coordinate it with the blog which is quite exciting. What does all of this mean to my blog readers, followers, and haters? Well, it means that you get to read a lot of stuff that you don’t care about and probably a lot of stuff that you do care about. Most importantly, it means that when I finally do get to take that drive across the country, I will be able to update the blog from the road. (I think I may need to add the Twitter piece to the job description for my co-pilot.) My readers are sure to be on the edge of their seat, following my tweets. They will be asking questions like, “how are they STILL in Kansas?” and thinking things like, “that was the funniest bumper sticker ever!” or “flat tires suck.” Until then, tweets will just be tweets about closing down my time in the Emerald City.

Am I a twitterer? Am I a tweeter? No, just a tweeting twitt who is glad to have you along for the ride. Follow me on Twitter: @EmeAshe

Emerald Ash Borer

I learned a lesson today. When building a blog, do a quick Google search with the phrase you are thinking of using, just to see what pops up BEFORE you are committed to your creative idea. I just did so today and in addition to an artist's website, I found this: http://www.emeraldashborer.info/

If these guys make their way to North Carolina this summer it is just a coincidence! Let's hope my "Emerald Ash" blog is not such a borer.

Surprise Maps!

Dad sent me maps in the mail! What a great surprise! Now I have a map of my new state AND my new city.

Thanks Dad!

Too Soon to Pack?

It is never too soon to pack!

The Journey Begins

Nine years ago I journeyed from the Steel City to the Emerald City and now, it is time to move on. This summer I am heading from the Emerald City to Ashvegas. Not Las Vegas, Ashvegas, as the locals refer to their quirky town in the mountains of Western North Carolina. Asheville, NC. Never heard of it? Google will tell you everything you need to know but I have done some of the work for you so just take a look-see at the links on the right side of the blog under, "Things to Read." Also, note the additional pages of fun under, "Navigation Station."

This summer I will be trekking across the country and I know there are A LOT of people in this world that want to follow the play-by-play. And if no one ever reads this, at the very least I have a memory blog of my journey. Writing this in June 2010 is interesting – I have no idea how things will play out and what will eventually be posted on this blog. Stay with me and we’ll take this adventure together!