Victorious Concession

I have an offer letter in my purse. It’s official! It’s officially official. I have the job; I got a raise; I can stay with the LNPO; I can move. Wow. I feel like this should be a victory but in some ways, it feels like a concession. A concession I am willing to make. I just wonder how many more times in my life I am going to say that.

TIME OUT: If you’re thinking, “Hey, this girl sounds down and out. She is being negative. She is looking a gift horse in the mouth. She is ungrateful. I hate her.” stop reading, stop reading, now. I thought about posting a fake, “I am so excited, yay, yay, yay!” post but that would be for you and not for me. This post is authentic, is where I’m at, and in the end will turn out ok. I promise.

When I first graduated from college it was August 2001. Well, we all know what happened in September 2001 unfortunately, and we all probably know what happened to the economy right after that. It was not exactly a good time to be 1) unemployed, 2) a recent college graduate, or 3) a recent college graduate with a psychology degree. That first year and a half after graduation was pure hell. I worked three part-time jobs just to pay the bills, went on upwards of 40 interviews (I am not exaggerating,) and somehow ended up working a seasonal position at Eddie Bauer and living in one of those “extended stay” type places for a few weeks. What should have been a great adventure in my young adult life turned into rotten luck, rotten timing, and well, a rotten year.

I suppose that wasn’t a concession. Like I said, that was rotten timing. My concession came when I accepted my first official full-time job. After temping for a few months (after the year and a half of hell,) I was hired (by what turned out to be a truly awesome company with truly awesome people) into a boring, mundane, job that had nothing to do with anything. I still remember the day I sat in HR’s office as the offer was presented to me and the HR person commented on how, “I didn’t seem excited.” It was a feeling of exhaustion, relief, and disappointment all rolled into one. Concession.

When I left my salaried job in the financial aid world half way through grad school for a HR job that involved a massive pay cut, well, it didn’t feel good. It some ways it was a concession but in other ways it was a necessary sacrifice to re-direct my career. I suppose it worked, or is working, but it hasn’t been an easy road.

Today, I feel like I am making a concession and a sacrifice at the same time. I am conceding to take a job I didn't picture myself in, but that is still in my career path and with my organization, so I can move, be closer to family and start a new chapter in my life. The move is what I want but the ins and outs of the job are not exactly perfect. This is not a victory. This is a gift and I recognize that. Honestly, this post is not about me being ungrateful for an opportunity that in many ways is giving me exactly what I want. Two months ago I would never have thought staying with the LNPO and moving was possible. This is a gift.

I just hope that someday this is all worth it. Some day I’ll say, “yes, I am exactly where I want to be. I worked hard to get here. I feel victory.”

Today, I have the job; I got a raise; I can stay with the LNPO; I can move.
Monday, I am going on a much needed, mini-vacation to the Oregon coast.
Soon, I will sign an offer letter and start a new position.

No matter what happens, I feel good. This will turn out well. I have a job. I am moving. So in this moment, right now, I am victorious in my concession and that feels good.

IT'S OFFICIALLY OFFICIAL! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT A RAISE! I'M MOVING HOME!