Clear Blue Not-So-Easy

Have you ever known someone who thought they were pregnant? Someone who wasn’t trying to get pregnant? A pregnancy scare. In the end they weren’t pregnant but they realized through the ordeal that the negative test result made them sad. They realized they actually were ready to be pregnant. Well, I am not pregnant, and this post actually has nothing to do with pregnancy. No, this post is about my possible job offer. Yes, again. It’s all consuming because it is so much more than just a job offer. It’s my entire future; it’s the catalyst that will set all of my plans in motion. What if it doesn’t happen? What if all this potential energy never becomes kinetic? What if the ball never rolls forward to push the bar that releases the marble that triggers the switch to light up the bulb? What if, what if...eh, I’m exhausted.

As I have been thinking about this possible opportunity and the possibility of it not happening, I realized something. I want this job; I want this to work out. I haven’t heard anything yet but knowing what I know, I am concerned. It is budget time and since hiring me is part of a proposed, small restructure I am afraid the budget is the hold up and I am terrified this will not actually go through. I know, good things are worth waiting for and I’ll wait. It’s the waiting for something certain, something definite that is the hard part. I also realized they don’t have to pay me more, they just have to pay me. This is a new realization, a new mental compromise. This job is my ticket, I’ll take it. Low ball me. It’s ok. I’ll take it. Screw that Master’s degree or that “what I’m worth” crap. I’ll take it. Just approve it, put it through, make the offer. Don’t change your mind. Please don’t change your mind.

Turn blue, two lines, a plus sign, whatever! Just give me a positive result.