December. Over.

I broke one of the major rules of blogging - I left my readers hanging. I could say I had good reason to do so but I didn't. Frankly, I was being lazy and didn't feel like sharing the "fun" that was my December. Some things are better left not in print.

Today I am looking ahead to 2011. My question for 2011 is should EmeAshe remain EmeAshe? I did, after all, leave the "Eme" part behind me. Sort of. Maybe it's time to be defined by something other than where I live. Maybe.

A snow globe with heated streets

That's where I am - in a snow globe. For the past three days there has been an almost constant flake in the air. Call it a flurry or a tapering snow shower, it doesn't matter. Flakes in the air = real life snow globe. Pretty.

So, I think my street is heated. Yesterday, as I watched the snow globe's snow swirl, I noticed none of it was sticking to my road or my driveway. I figured the temperature was high enough and the ground was too warm. As evening set in I had to go on a beer run - friends coming over to watch the Steelers game - it was a necessity! As I turned off my street I found some snow on the road. At the next turn there was a good inch of snow on the road! Whoa. My journey continued, complete with a fishtail and some anti-lock break action. I laughed to myself, "Ha, I'm risking my life for a beer run and they probably won't even come."

Guess what?

They didn't come!

Why not?

The roads were bad!

Oh. They are much smarter than me. Though, to be fair - I didn't know the roads were bad until I was out of my neighborhood. Plus, I was committed to getting beer for my friends and the game. Plus, I am extremely, extremely stubborn. Now I have a fridge full of beer and the world is frozen so I can't leave the house, except to go on my heated street of course. What to do, what to do...

Well, the Steelers won, the beer can keep me warm, and I will see my friends again. As long as the flakes stay pretty I won't post any snow-hate posts, though have a feeling they will show-up eventually. I'm not sure about my street, but I know the street to snow-hate posts is not heated.

While it was flurrying

I missed snow. This type of snow. The type of snow that flurries and falls all day but doesn't hinder travel. It's just pretty. This type of snow didn't fall in Seattle. It's one thing to curl up with a cup of coffee while it's raining. Don't get me wrong. I love that. But with the rain comes gray and the world just gets darker and darker. With snow comes gray too but the world gets brighter and brighter as the grass and rooftops are covered with white.

Here are some happenings that occurred the past few days while it was flurrying.

1. My friend had a baby! 2 months early! She is very small and while I don't think she is in a "fighting for her life" situation, she could have used a few more weeks of baking.
2. I chickened out of the holiday parade when it started sleeting and snowing at the same time. It was cold and wet and wet and cold. No regrets.
3. I went shopping instead, looking for some towels for the guest bathroom to break up the blinding white of the walls and floor. (Can I just say it has been my adult dream to have a guest bedroom and bathroom? I am so excited. Yes, I am lame.)
4. I found some super nice towels at TJ Maxx that were super cheap. I realized they were better than the towels I use everyday. Suddenly, my guest bathroom looks an awful lot like my bathroom used to and my bathroom looks different...newer...fluffier. Don't worry, the guest bathroom is still nice. Jeez.
5. I re-framed two pictures of my mother as a child. Not pictures - art. One is her silhouette from about age 8 (I think) on a piece of card stock. The other is a sketch from when she was about 4. I thought I would keep the pictures and get around to re-framing them in 10 years. Look at me! Only took about 10 weeks!

Vacation is a state of mind

This morning I awoke around 8:00 and lay in bed, staring at my ceiling, for a good hour. I was cozy, it is Saturday. Now, I am happily drinking my coffee, listening to the dishwasher and stereo fight out who will be heard. This morning feels quite similar to many of the mornings I had a week ago while on vacation. I have decided that vacation is a state of mind and today, I am on vacation. Well, why not? I feel more relaxed this way (even though I know I have at least a day's worth of work to get done over the weekend.)

I lit a few candles, put out my stuffed Santa and Reindeer, draped a few christmas lights over my mantle, and I am declaring my place set for the holidays. Oh, I want to get a tree and decorate like a mad woman but it doesn't feel right this year for some reason. My place feels a little incomplete and I don't think a few Christmas decorations are going to be the quick fix. Maybe I need a bookshelf. That's right, a bookshelf. Currently my books are housed on some boxes I stacked together and they are slowly buckling. That's right, buckling.

Winter is here. Whoa, after I typed that sentence I looked up to see a few flakes. I am not kidding. Look weather, I was just observing, not ordering. It's pretty, just cold. The forecast says we may get one inch of snow tonight and tomorrow. Better fill up my tank and hit the grocery store for milk and bread...right? No, today I have plans. BIG PLANS. I'm trying to convince myself to walk into town for the holiday parade. I love my little town because the parade starts at 1:00. None of this 9 or 10 business. No way. We need to wake up, have our coffee, watch a flake or two, and then go to a parade. Like I said, I'm tying to convince myself to go. The walk is about a mile, which is not the problem. See the first sentence for the problem.

This week went fast and was full of good and bad news for family and friends. I am glad it is Saturday. Only 14 more days of work until vacation. I mean my next vacation. Today is vacation. And maybe tomorrow too.

First "thanks" of the week

This is Thanksgiving week right? In the spirit of giving thanks, I thought I would post some things I am thankful for as they come to me. I am thankful for friends, cocoa, and friends who like cocoa.




I am also thankful for vacation days from my employer that allow me to take a much needed break to spend time with friends and relax. You can tell from my hair it was a good day but it is time for bed.

Breaking up with the weather, that is a different story

My days of religiously following storms in off the Pacific are over. Or are they? I know I am supposed to be breaking up with my break-up and so far it is going well. I removed my Seattle related bookmarks from my computer and my life but not my Seattle related friends. Facebook posts and Twitter tweets from those left behind can suck me back into my Seattle world, particularly when those posts are almost unanimously about the weather.

It is snowing and icing and freezing in Seattle this week. Numerous friends had to abandon their buses and trek through the streets in work attire to get home. For some reason, and this I just do not get, people leave their cars and walk home. Leave their cars - on the side of the road, in the middle of the road, on the freeway, the off ramp, a side street. This morning I read the few plows the city has cannot get through because people left their cars in the middle of the road. Dude, these cars are probably Lexuses (Lexui?) or Audis or other nice, costly, pieces of machinery. How do you just leave them on the road and walk home? I don't get it.

Anyway, this is fascinating because it was just about two years ago that I was stranded in my house for almost two weeks as the city was rendered helpless by snow and ice. Other cities manage in far worse conditions; I don't understand how Seattle becomes so dramatically incapacitated in such a short period of time. It is, clearly, remarkable.

ANYWAY, point being - not my problem! It was 68 here yesterday and will be again today. I went for a hike. I drove with the windows down. The sun is still shining. It is taking me some time to get used to such bright, cheery weather. Admittedly, the weather affects my mood. If it were constantly gray and rainy (or snowy and freezing) I can say my overall affect would surely be much drearier. Following Seattle weather does make me a little home-sick but I am trying to focus on the overall theme of this post - sun = happy = better life for Eme Ashe. Here are some pictures of said life in the sunshine (though you can't tell it was sunny because we were in the Great Smoky Mountain National Park. Where were you?)

On Pride. Grocery Store Pride.

Let's face it, we all have it. Pride. It's that nagging feeling that often accompanies insecurity and conscience. I'm sure there is a lot to say on the subject but I'll just make one comment today. I had a moment at the grocery store where I realized I have grown.

Back when I lived in the big city, (you know, A LONG TIME AGO,) it was easy to stop on the way home from work to pick up a few things at the grocery store. Just pull the car over or get off a bus stop or two early and hit the store, then continue on the journey home. These days leaving the house is an adventure in itself. A trip to the grocery store is just that, an intentional trip to the grocery store. I'm not going to get in the car and drive 3 miles for the sole purpose of buying a green pepper. Nope, I am going to make something else for dinner or make-do without said pepper. Back in the city, (you know, A LONG TIME AGO,) stopping for one item was not an inconvenience, it was on-the-way.

Tonight I went to the grocery for a few things and when I walked in the door I realized I should buy more than a few things. I was at the store, I had money, I was running out of food at home, and oh right, I WAS AT THE GROCERY STORE. So, I did what few single women do when they go to the grocery store...I grabbed a cart. I know. You can see where this is going...right? No? Keep reading. What were we talking about? Oh right, pride.

You would think carrying around the SW (single woman) basket would hurt my pride but for some reason, it is the opposite. Maybe because on the few occasions I take a cart I tend to fill it up. Suddenly I feel like an impostor, pretending like I have other people to feed, or like everyone is looking at me thinking, "she is going to eat all of that herself because she is alone."

Wow, I did not intend for this to become an "I'm single post" but apparently, it's that too. Huh.

Anyway, like I was saying, I realized I have grown and here was the moment. Tonight, I put my bags in my cart and rolled my cart to my car. Whoa. Normally, I carry each bag, regardless of the number. The plastic stretches and cuts into my fingers under the weight of my SW's half gallon of milk, bottle of wine, and three apples. That's right, you can fit all of that and more into a SW basket.

As I unloaded my bags directly from cart-to-car, I realized how far I have come. Not because I was taking less trips to the grocery store and buying more at one time, but because I didn't care about what I bought or who saw me or how I transported my groceries around the store or to my car. My SW basket carrying, would-rather-carry-every-painful-plastic-bag-than-accept-help-from-the-bag-boy-half-my-age pride has diminished. A little. Enough. For now.

See? I have grown.

Thursday to Wednesday and Back Again

I could not keep today straight, (note that is different than I could not keep straight today. Heh.) I kept thinking it was Thursday, over and over. I would pull up my Thursday calendar, think about what is on TV on Thursday night, and then get excited for one more day of work until my week off.

Then I would remember it was actually Wednesday.

But then I would forget it was Wednesday and get all excited about Thursday again. It was weird. Maybe it was just wishful thinking for the weekend, or maybe I am really tired, or maybe I am losing my mind. I think any and all of the above are possible.

This week I decided to force myself to take walks during my lunch break. My body and mind feel better if I take a break, get some fresh air, and get exercise. Monday I was committed; nothing was going to stop me from taking walk. About 15 minutes before I was to set off, it started pouring. POURING. The rain did not sway me from my self-commitment and off I went. In jeans. With a cotton hat and scarf.

What happened? Well, seeing as I love the rain and love fresh air, I just kept walking. First, I walked all around my neighborhood, then I walked the 1/2 mile to Lake Louise, walked around, and headed home. As I climbed the hill to my street the rain started to take its toll. My scarf was soaked; I could wring the water out of it. My hat was drenched but thankfully kept my head dry. My jeans were wet and cold, the dampness creeping up my leg as I trudged along. It was in the mid-50s, and I was not far from home so I knew I would be fine. But I started thinking about how disappointed Bear Grylls would be in me. No jeans when walking in the cold and rain for an hour. No jeans.

Maybe I contracted a warm form of hypothermia that affected my memory or my ability to tell days of the week. No, that could not be the case because on Tuesday (which is apparently yesterday,) I did not take a walk. I learned my lesson from the day before. Tuesday was gray and rainy AND windy. I looked outside and thought, "Hmm...the last thing I need is to be pierced in the heart with a flying branch while I am soaking wet. I'll stay put." And I did, until today. Wednesday.

A klutzy murderererer

Oh, what a night. First, I smash a porcelain plate on my tile floor, then I murder a spider. It's all in a Friday night's work. Throughout this whole day I kept thinking of things I wanted to say on my blog. Now that is is time to blog, all I can think about is my broken plate and how tired I am. What, who, me? Procrastinate? I don't know what you are talking about.

What a week. I can't stop smiling. :) One more week of work and then I have a whole week off! Woo-hoo! Did I mention that? I can't remember. Oh well, I'm sure it's all I'll talk about for the next 16 days. Ok, 15. Day 16 I'll be lamenting the return to work. Speaking of, I need to get into a pattern. Scratch that, a better pattern. I find myself rolling out of bed at 8:45 for my 9:00 shift. Then I work until 6:00, which sadly is now after dark. Then I am about ready for bed due to the extreme darkness. This is not going to work all winter; I must find the balance.

This weekend will be my first weekend at "home" in awhile. Actually, I have 2 weekends in a row here and I am very excited about that. I'm not sure my lack of weekend jaunts got much mention on the blog thus far. (Ugh, grammar snobs, just ignore that sentence.) In Seattle, taking a weekend trip to visit a friend didn't happen much. Most locations were too far to travel to often and chances are there was no one for me to visit there anyway! Last weekend I went through 5 states in 7 hours. That type of thing does not happen on the west coast. The point being - there are a lot of people and places for me to visit on the east coast and I've been squeezing them all into my first few months.

My car is tired; I am tired. But it is nice to be back east, broken plates, tired tires, and all.

Is this what a soapbox is?

I'm not used to standing on one so I'm not sure.

Tomorrow is Veteran's Day and I just updated my Facebook status to thank our Veterans. I felt compelled to give a shout-out to ALL the Veterans. To quote myself, "Thank you Veterans! Thanks to all the boys and all the girls in our Armed Forces...including all the boys who like boys and all the girls who like girls."

Now, despite all the changes I have gone through in the past decade, including all the changes to my so-called World-View, I'm not little-miss-vocal about things. I'm not a fighter. You can think what you think and I'll think what I think and it's all good. It's ok. Really. Whatever. I'm west-coast chill yo. But this is something I don't get - you're gay so you shouldn't serve in the military? Huh? That doesn't even make sense. That's like saying, "you have blonde hair so you shouldn't be a teacher," or "you like to sing in the shower so you shouldn't be an EMT," or "you like turtles so you are not allowed to do CPR." None of that makes any sense. I mean, really. Who cares? WHO CARES? What is the issue?

Men and women in uniform are serving our country, risking, and sometimes sacrificing, their lives. Who cares if they are checking each other out in the process? Men and women in uniform are hot. They should be checking each other out.

Stepping down.

Rub those legs together

I, um, just don't have that much to say these days. I feel like a failure! I lured readers here with the promise of a dramatic life change and some details on how everything pans out. I moved and then...crickets. Granted, a wrench the shape of that city on the Bay got thrown into my plans and I sort of got tongue tied. I should be posting fabulous photos of my new life and new town. Observations should be fighting for top blogging. And yet. CRICKETS.

Almost every weekend I have left Asheville to galavant across the east coast. That was part of the plan, I know, but man, I am TIRED. I just want to stay "home" for awhile. I have been here for 5 or 6 weeks and don't feel remotely settled yet. I have barely scratched the surface of the city or hell, even my neighborhood. It is amazing how quickly time goes by when you become a full-fledged grown-up. (For example, how is tomorrow Wednesday already?)

I am taking the week of Thanksgiving off, which I usually do. Hey, if you can use 3 days of PTO and have a full 9 days in a row off, you should do it. Every year. I will be taking a trip for turkey to SC to visit with the family but only for part of the time. I am very much looking forward to having a few days in my new place to just relax. It has been a long time since I have lived in a new city. 10 years ago I was just a kid and had all of that, "I am so enthusiastic about life; I can't wait to explore every inch of pavement," joy. Yeah. I'm glad I had that and I'm glad I did but now, I'm old. I'm tired. I want to drink some coffee, read a book, and fall asleep in the middle of the day on the weekends.

Like I said, crickets. I will post some pictures soon so stay tuned. Please? Chirp?

The Difference a Degree Makes

Degree: Master's in I/O Psychology
Difference: While working for a Non-Profit undergoing constant organizational change in a potential double-dip recession? Not much.

Degree: +1
Difference: Ahh. The heater set to 68 degrees in my house is nice and cozy but occasionally I get a chill. Now, push it up a degree, to 69, and it's like cozy, homey, holiday cookie, weekend bliss. Now, I have pretty good windows and insulation so when I turn the heat down or off my house holds its warmth fairly well. When it gets chilly, one degree makes all the difference.

Degree: -1
Difference: WTF?? A nice fall day at 50 degrees can abruptly turn to a freakin', freezing, wintry day when the mercury drops to 49. I'm fine waiting awhile until I hit age 40 and frankly, I'm not interested in seeing any degree that starts with 40 anytime soon. Too bad for me. Today the high was 49 degrees. I went outside, said, "BRR," very loudly, and promptly went back inside to get my coat.

See? A degree makes all the difference. Sometimes.

Breaking up with the break-up

Have you ever been in a relationship a LITTLE too long? By the time you actually break up you realize it's too late. You waited too long. You've already started hating everything about each other that you once loved. Being "just friends" is suddenly not even a remote possibility. Sometimes, breaking up with that break-up ends up being even more difficult than the actual break-up. I've ended my relationship with Seattle. Even though we stayed together a little too long, I can't seem to just end it completely. I need to break up with the break-up.

The things that I thought would be difficult are easy and vice-versa. For example, watching the Seahawks play or watching Grey's Anatomy, as the camera pans the Sound or shows the rain falling while everyone is drinking coffee. Even if that is not what is on the screen, that is what I see. It's a whole world that while completely familiar, seems a lifetime away. It should be difficult to watch, but it's not. It is strangely comforting. On the other hand, what should be easy is actually difficult. My computer is hindering my break-up's break-up. All of my bookmarks are still set to my Seattle life. Hey, so what if I want to read www.seattletimes.com to get my daily, National news fix? So what if www.komonews.com shows me the happenings in and around the Puget Sound area? I like reading www.myballard.com. It captures my old neighborhood...that I actually hated...that I read about for a year while I was in my apartment...hating my life.

Ooooohhhhh.

I see. Holding on to these informative websites and my patterns of reading them is holding me back from say, www.citizen-times.com and all of those other Asheville related websites I have listed under "Things to Read." I need to move on. I need to break up with this break-up. I need to let it go.

A few lines from a movie have been going through my head for the past month or so. You think you know me well? Do ya? What movie is it then? Huh? Well, it's Top Gun. OF COURSE. Maverick loses Goose. He goes back up in the air but he won't engage. HE WON'T ENGAGE. That is how I feel. I'm here, I'm in Asheville, I am broken up with Seattle but I just cannot engage in my new relationship. Yet. Here is how I feel. Maverick said it best.

"I WILL FIRE WHEN I AM GOD DAMN GOOD AND READY. YOU GOT THAT?"

Thanks Maverick. I love you. I will break up with this break-up in my own time. When I am ready. Good and ready. God damn good and ready.

(Um, does anyone want to come over tomorrow and watch Top Gun? Bring the DVD please. And no, you won't be getting it back.)

Stability and then some

Today I walked around my place drinking my second cup of coffee and had a strange feeling of stability. Like, real, honest to goodness, things-are-stable-I-have-a-job-and-a-great-place-in-the-mountains-in-a-cool-city-and-the-world-is-my-oyster-again feeling of stability. I'm not completely unpacked, I am missing a lot of furniture, I can't afford to buy said furniture, my place doesn't feel like home yet, and it wasn't the best cup of coffee I've ever had, but man, I felt stable. I feel stable. Sort of. I mean, I have yet to meet many new people, I don't feel like leaving home much yet, I am still adjusting to my new job and working at home, and I have times of loneliness and sadness BUT I'm stable.

I don't think I've ever felt this way. Last year I was waiting and waiting for things to change. For the past 10 years I have been trying to figure out my life plan, the direction I want my life to go, and most importantly, what comes next. Well, there is no next. There is no plan stirring about in my head right now. I'm here, this is it. Oh sure, I would be shocked if I lived in this townhouse forever and worked this job forever. I know things will change at some point but right now, gosh darn it, I am stable.

In the spirit of my new feeling of stability, I Googled, "Job Stability Cartoon." This was my favorite search result. Now, this is not an accurate reflection of my daily job performance. However, I have had less productive days where I have accomplished pretty much exactly what is in this picture. Of course, not now that I am stable and all.

Sighs Matters

A sigh is an interesting expression because it is very demonstrative of emotion yet says little. There is always a why behind the sigh. The past few days I have had a lot of sighs with pretty strong whys behind them.

Exasperation: I have sighed several times yesterday and today in exasperation. My place is perfect, my home office is perfect, everything is perfect. Except...a neighbor about 100 feet away apparently loves home projects that involve power saws and hammering. My office window faces that direction and I can't hold interviews with a power saw in the background. So, I have to close my window. Ok, that might be a stretch for exasperation but it's a bit of a nuisance.

Relief: Speaking of my home office, I am breathing a sigh of relief because I get to keep it! Even in the midst of more organizational change, I am apparently just valuable enough not to let go of. Whew! I have a job that I'm starting to get good at and that I'm starting to really like.

Sweetness: You've never heard of a sigh of sweetness? When my niece put her arms around me this weekend in a big hug and said, "I love you so, so much Aunt Eme Ashe," I had a sigh of sweetness. She is sweet, which means someone is being sweet to her, and that makes her loving hug even sweeter. Aw.

Sadness: Sure, I've had a sigh or two of sadness, as I've mentioned. But peace and understanding usually follow sadness so I'm not going to dwell on that kind of sigh for long.

Awe: Have you ever had a sigh of awe? I almost always do when it comes to the weather. Yesterday I woke up to a tornado watch and a strong thunderstorm. I opened the blinds, pulled up the covers and sighed in awe as I watched the storm blow through. It was a nice way to start the week.

Content: I spent some time in Blacksburg last weekend with the family. It was a nice time and the drive "home" was rather pretty. I'm sure I sighed once or twice with content as I tried to take pictures and drive at the same time. It was worth it though!

Hello beautiful

Tuesday was a rough day. I wasn't being productive at work and I couldn't figure out why. I slouched down in my desk chair and I realized I was almost a foot below my keyboard. I was sitting on my REI camp chair with two pillows to prop myself up higher. What was I waiting for? Why would the future be a better time than the present to invest in an actual office chair? My friend offered me one but it wasn't my first choice of a home for my butt 8 - 9 hours a day. I decided to scope out my brother's house to see what chairs might be up for grabs there. My answer was either none or one very uncomfortable looking chair.

Tuesday night I was done. I left work early, got in the car, and drove to Office Depot in a blind, chair buying rage. I sat in about 12, then found one almost exactly matching the vision I had for my future chair. I did leave to check out the competition then returned and said, "wrap it up!" Couponless I went to the front excited to make my purchase.

Me: "Hey, so, you don't have any coupons back there do ya?"

Sales guy: "Huh, wha, no I don't have any coupons."

Me: "What about this one for THIRTY DOLLARS off?" I asked as I held up the flyer sitting between me and the sales guy.

Sales guy: "Let's try it!"

Voila! I saved thirty bucks on my spontaneous purchase. So far so good chair. I can now be comfortable and productive at work and I have a grown up chair. The lesson learned here was - sometimes you just have to take action.

Welcome to the family chair!

The bad stuff

I alluded to some less than pleasant happenings recently. I feel like it is time to share the news with the internet. Let it be known that I do not want to talk about it. Did you hear me? I DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. How can I live in denial if I have to discuss reality.

Have you been reading this blog and thinking, "Wow, Eme Ashe wanted to move to Asheville, didn't want to leave her job, and everything worked out amazingly well." I can see why you would think that. For those of you who think you know me well, were you thinking, "Eme Ashe is usually too pessimistic for life to work out so well. She doesn't really want to be happy."

Hey guess what? I was right. It was all too good to be true. My brother is packing up his family and moving them to San Francisco. When? As soon as his house that is now 4 hours away from me sells. He is already 3,000 miles away. No, I'm not kidding. No, it's not funny. Yes, I am heart broken.

Let's be clear. This is good for him and his family. This is good. This is what it means to pursue your career and take care of your family. He has done nothing wrong and I love him and want him to be happy and enjoy the west coast because it is amazing.

BUT, this blog is about me. I learned this news in early September and it silenced me, in case you were wondering why September was strangely quiet. So look, here is my heart. It's not just that he is moving. It's the feeling I have carried with me for so many years. The feeling of, "I can't feel happy because it's not real. It won't last. Sadness is waiting." I have a lot of friends who have a lot of opinions about my view of life and my prevailing affect. You can think whatever you want but here is the truth - things don't work out for me and my heart hurts because of that. Sure, I have some nice stuff, I have a good job, I am healthy, and there is A LOT I can put in my "pro" column of life. But come on, things don't happen easy for me and I feel every twist and turn of life very deeply, whether you would know it or not.

I'm a little lonely, I'm a little lost, and I felt like I couldn't be real on this blog until I spoke the truth. My heart hurts and I don't know how it is going to stop hurting but I know it will. Eventually. This is a setback, that's all. The sun has to rise for me soon right? I am east now after all.

The bug count has started

Spiders killed = 1
Flies killed = 1
Moths killed = 1

The spider killing was intentional. It crawled along my bright, white floors without a chance of being concealed by fabric or paint of a similar color. For some reason, instead of just smashing it, I resorted to poisoning. Only after it was writhing in poison induced pain did I crush it with a shoe. I am a horrible person.

The fly was an accident. I saw it flying around the room and shooed it away a few times, forgetting about it as I went upstairs. Later in the day I discovered it laying flat on its back in the middle of the floor. "What happened to the fly?" I wondered. It soon became apparent. The fly had landed in the puddle of poison used to kill the spider only hours before. Oops.

The moth I chased around the room with poison and a shoe. Got him! Mr. Moth scared me this morning, masquerading as a wasp, bouncing around between my mini-blinds and my window pane, causing all kinds of racket.

Have I mentioned I don't like bugs? Apparently Seattle is having a HUGE infestation of HUGE spiders this year. The scientists say there aren't more of them and they aren't bigger. They are just all men with their libidos going crazy out prowling for chicks at the same time. My Facebook Friends have been voicing their trauma and pain. All I can say is, thank goodness I moved away when I did.

I'll try to be more tolerant of these Asheville bugs. They are, after all, not HUGE spiders that could and would eat me alive.

Shh!

I am feeling a little under the weather this weekend and spent most of my time at home, which was actually rather nice. I had a lot of time to think about my new place and my old place actually. I've always been someone who wants more or more accurately, wants something different. I don't think I'm never happy or never satisfied, but I do feel like I'm always searching for what comes next. All that to say that I know I whined about my old apartment and I know it affected my quality of life but what I don't know is how much of that was my fault. Was I just complaining? Was it really that bad? Was I really so unhappy? Was it the apartment's fault or mine?

I probably made it worse on my psyche than it needed to be but I didn't realize its full effect on me until today. I awoke early with the sniffles and checked the time. All last year it was very difficult for me to relax on the weekends. The first thing I did when I woke up was check the time. I knew someone would start doing laundry by 10, or break the rules and start early. My apartment would shake, doors would slam, it was awful. This happened almost every single Saturday and Sunday. In the rare instance someone did not do laundry immediately in the morning, I felt tense as I lay in bed, waiting for the washer to start.

That is just one example. Today I realized that I could relax. My wall was not about to start shaking. I was not about to hear doors slamming and people talking as they clomped down the hallway. The elevator was not going to 'ding' over and over as people left for their days, probably after starting their laundry. A bus was not going to by. People standing outside the bar across the street were not going to be loud as they smoked their cigarettes. All of those sounds that kept me tense and miserable for a year are gone.

So today, I laid in my bed, blowing my nose, and sleeping until almost noon. It was peaceful, restful, and quiet. I'm feeling better, my sniffles and my psyche. I can relax. I need to start settling in and realizing this place is mine for awhile. Welcome quiet. Welcome.

I'm in

Tomorrow is Thursday already. How did that happen? I have been living in Asheville since Saturday, though I don't feel like it is official yet. I'm moved in, partially unpacked, I have cable, internet, wireless internet, and a real phone line. Yet somehow it still doesn't feel real. How did I end up here? This city is a stranger to me. I feel like I just picked a random spot and moved and now I'm here. I know this is a well-thought out decision and if I can't remember how I got here, hey - I know, I will read this blog!

I am proud of myself. I made a decision to move, thought and planned for a year, patiently waited for my job situation to unfold, and now, here I am. I am also proud of myself for deciding on the type of place I wanted to rent and waiting until I found it. I felt myself caving a little bit at times, looking at apartments, trying to convince myself they would suffice. Thank goodness I was patient because I don't think I could have found a more perfect place. Seriously. Seriously, seriously. I am renting a townhouse/duplex that is about 5 years old and is about 3 times the size of my old apartment in Seattle. No shared walls. My own laundry. A garage. A pond. A lake. A loft for my home office. A fireplace. No yard maintenance. And a bunch of neighbors in the community that make me feel super duper young. I think I am the youngest person living here by about 30 years.

Some highlights from the week...if you can call them that. It may be too soon for highlights. Some items of note? Sure.

1. Did I mention I am wireless? I bought a new wireless router and now can wander all over the house blogging.
2. I met the "secretary" of the condo/townhome association I am renting in. She is about 150 years old and drives a sporty red Prius. She hates being secretary. She also told me to contact her if I had questions or wanted to hear the gossip. Awesome.
3. I took a walk down the street the other day and on my way back home another 150 year old lady let her dog out to bark loudly at me as she yelled from the front porch, "he won't bite!" Dude, clearly I am not going to go knocking on her door. Message received.
4. My friend took me to an excellent burger joint nearby. You know a burger and onion rings is going to be good when served in one of those plastic baskets and the 40 year old carpet is duct taped together. Delicious! I can't wait to go back.
5. Mom and Dad took me to Walmart on Saturday night. Yep. Walmart was pretty much my first outing...but I got a bunch of stuff including an awesome night light for the stairs! It's blue.

Soon I will post pictures and stories and pictures that tell stories. Hey, I'm wireless now. Anything is possible.

'Tis Asheville Eve

Months of blogging, talking, chatting, and teasing are about to come to an end. Tomorrow is it; I am finally moving to Asheville! Folks, I have been considering this for many years, very seriously for about one year. I am ready to start a new life, experience a new town, meet new people, and see the world from a different place. Thanks for sticking with me all these months, what with my whining and complaining and then blog neglecting. I appreciate it. You - I appreciate you - that's right, I said you!

The trailer is packed and my parents are poised and ready for a mini-road trip ending in manual labor. Those are some good parents. Tomorrow morning around ten I leave for Asheville, (OK, I get it - technically it's Weaverville). I am moving into an awesome place. I keep calling it my "apartment" but it is not an apartment, it is a townhouse. Yes, a townhouse. With a garage and a laundry/mud room, and two bedrooms, and a loft, and some other cool stuff. I will post pictures don't you worry.

I'm sure you're thinking to yourself something along the lines of, "What happens when Eme Ashe actually gets to Ashvegas? What happens to this blog? Will it get better or will it get worse? (Can it get worse?)" I think you will find this blog gets even better. It will be filled with new discoveries, new observations about new things, and fingers crossed, some seriously good times. The whining and waiting and self-loathing of my last Seattle Summer are over. It is time for the fun and flings of Asheville Autumn.

Stay tuned! My first 365 days in Asheville will be ones to remember and I promise to capture them here! The interim is no more.

Self-Described Blog Slacker Finally Posts New Entry

I don't know what you're feeling as a blog reader right now. Curious? Neglected? Angry? Impatient? You're entitled to feel any of the above and really anything else. I have been avoiding my blog. Why? Because it speaks the truth and is captured forever. Or until the internet goes down. Or until I delete it. It's pretty permanent. It's permanent enough. (Have I ever mentioned my commitment issues? Maybe another time.)

So.......some stuff happened this month. I have been working hard at my new job, which is going well thus far. I have also been taking many weekend jaunts to places such as Asheville, South Carolina, and camping in Virginia. I have spent time with friends and relatives not seen for 2, 4, even 6 years! It has been a nice time of re-acclimating myself to the east coast and exploring the life that was awaiting me.

Some bad stuff happened. (I'll spare you for now.)

Then some good stuff happened. (Yay!)

Soon, I will fulfill the quest of my blog. Ladies and gentlemen, I have rented a townhouse in Asheville. I move there this weekend. It is large and lovely, quiet and calm. And it will cost me less than I paid for my 1 bedroom apartment in Seattle. Ah, I can hardly wait!

As nice as it has been to be staying with my parents in a familiar place for awhile, I am ready to move on with my life. Start anew. Settle. The interim is ending.

They're cute I guess

To sweats or not to sweats?

How is it September? My blog is 3 months old! When I first started this blog I was in a dark place of uncertainty, sweating what the future would hold and how I would get there. I knew that summer was going to bring changes but I wasn't sure I would make it through to see them. I did, here I am, and everything has changed. Now, I have slowly slid into a new, interim life. In the 4 weeks I have been on the east coast I have visited friends, spent oodles of time with the parents, and planned weekends and weekends of upcoming fun. Fall fun. Because it is almost fall.

September to me means fall, football, maroon sweaters, changing leaves, coffee in the afternoon, and rain. Sounds a lot like Seattle doesn't it? It is the time of year I usually plan a trip to Oktoberfest in Leavenworth. A lot of things will be different this September, a lot of things.

This week has been work, work, work. Last night I stayed up until after midnight working. I was productive but slept in until nine this morning and was too burned out from my 15 hour day to concentrate. I thought it was time to make a list about working from home, specifically, why it is awesome and why it is not.

Why working from home is awesome:
1. You can work in the middle of the night and sleep in the next day if you want to.
2. You can lay on your bed or sit outside during conference calls.
3. You can actually get a lot of work done during conference calls.
4. You can get up 10 minutes before the start of your shift and be on time.
5. You can wear your sweats ALL DAY (hear that Sweats??)
6. You don't spend money eating out for lunch or coffee.
7. You can do laundry on your breaks.
8. You are home for the phone guy, cable guy, or Fedex guy.
9. You can work autonomously, without interruptions, and without having to be nice to people you don't like.
10. You can easily access your personal computer for such things as Fantasy Football drafts, Facebook, or online shopping!

Why working from home is NOT awesome:
1. You sometimes end up working in the middle of the night.
2. You work ALL DAY. There is no water cooler talk or anyone stopping by your office.
3. You sometimes end up wearing your sweats all day. It's not intentional per se, but really, why put on jeans if you ain't goin' no where?
4. After about 3 days of not leaving the house you start to hate and crave people at the same time.
5. It's less fun complaining to your co-worker over the phone. You've gotta do it in person so you can use hand gestures!

So far the awesome outweighs the not awesome. I'm not going to sweat this working from home thing, I'm just going to wear sweats while I do it.

PS: This post is dedicated to Sweats. :)

Who you lookin' at?

The next few weekends will take me away from Blacksburg so this weekend I stayed in town to relax, get a little more organized, and save a few gallons of gas. The 'rents took me on a scenic drive, that for some reason led to motion sickness. I'm sure it had nothing to do with the company. Perhaps the stomach filled with half a banana and remnants of last night's wine was a contributing factor. We stopped for lunch at a little tourist trap that has delicious food and dead animals everywhere. That's right, dead animals. You can eat a buffalo sandwich while sitting under a buffalo head. Don't believe me? I didn't think so. See for yourself.

Then there was this guy, who clearly did not want his picture taken since he was giving me the stink eye. I took a close-up; that'll learn him. My Asheville friends, E & L, have wild turkeys in their backyard. They wander around during the day and make bedtime dramatic by clambering awkwardly into the trees at night. It is quite a noisy and entertaining sight to behold.

There were a few other sights to behold on this outing, as you will see below. Most importantly, I learned the answer to the age old question, "Which came first, the chicken or the egg?" The answer is, wait for it...the egg. Second, came the chic cow. At least that is apparently what they believe out here in the country.

Some other sights from the day.





And it all comes back to the buffalo.

Really Eme?

A friend recently asked via email, "How are you really doing?" She didn't put the "really" in italics or bold, but it was implied. How am I really doing?

Tonight I read through a few old postings and frankly, I'm surprised I have any readership left. The last year was really hard for me and I just started to capture it in blog form in the past three months. I am glad the 9 months prior to that are not captured anywhere other than my brain, that is for sure. Thank you Eme Ashe readers for not giving up on me! I know life is a series of ups and downs but I hope you have found the last few weeks of blog posts more up than down.

Really, truly, honestly, I am well. Words cannot convey how I feel these days. So much has changed. The start of the life I waited for during 12 months of pain is here. I have a job I waited for, the breathing room I need, the east coast location I so desired. Tonight my Mom and I drank wine and had a good time. Last night my Dad killed a spider for me. Tomorrow I am cleaning my room and getting a little more organized in this temporary home. So what? Life isn't terribly exciting. For now, this will do.

My next two months are filled with weekend trips, reunions, and fun. I feel like the Eme Ashe of yester-year is gone. Sure, I have a few items of baggage I moved with me, but they are getting lighter each day.

Yep, tomorrow I just may go for a drive in the country, followed by a nap. The interim certainly is not bad. Nope, not bad at all.

"Change is certain. Peace is followed by disturbances; departure of evil men by their return. Such recurrences should not constitute occasions for sadness but realities for awareness, so that one may be happy in the interim." - Percy Bysshe Shelley

86 This

That's it. That is the Fantasy Football team name I took a week to decide upon. Perhaps my creativity has been stifled by the humidity in the air; perhaps it is my age. Maybe I am just not a creative a person anymore. Oh well, it's football season! It's Fantasy Football season! I am trying to convince my Dad to play in my Fantasy Football league. This would make for stressful Sundays, under roof rivalry, and hushed strategy sessions while we are both supposed to be working. Oh deer.

A super long post with lots of pictures because I waited too long to post something

Time for a new blog post passed several days ago. What have I been doing that is so important I could not make time to blog? Other than a weekend trip to Asheville and dinner with my parents for their 35th Anniversary, not much. Last week was hard. I found myself cranky a lot from work frustrations and feeling trapped in a small town, not sure what to do with myself. Apparently I didn't find my crankiness blog-worthy. You're welcome. This is a life transition that I'm in and by nature, life transitions are filled with hard days and insightful days. You learn a lot about yourself no matter what kind of day you have. I'm in the interim right now, feeling out each minute of each day, not sure where they will all lead. I knew when I decided to come to Blacksburg that I would have time to breathe and I do. It's a good thing, even though there will be days I feel like I am suffocating. There is no pressure to stay or leave, just time to breathe and figure things out. I am moving to Asheville but I am making sure the steps I take to get there lead me to a good place.

Here are some pictures to make you feel like I blogged the whole week. First, I'll start with sights and sounds from Blacksburg last week. If you're my Facebook Friend, you saw that I posted a video of the rain falling. It was pouring and the large drops of rain hitting the leaves were amazing. I did learn capturing that type of natural experience via video is probably not worth the time and technology. A chair, a sweatshirt, and a cup of coffee is all I need to capture that moment for myself. All that to say, no more videos of rain falling, I promise. I'll save my nature videos for awesome lightning shows, flooding, or significant snow falls. Or babies. Or kittens.

Kittens? Like this one?
In first discussing a move to the "lower east wing" of my parents' home, I voiced a concern about "peeping toms." It turns out, the only peeping tom was a kitten, sheltering itself from the aforementioned rain. Naturally, after his discovery his name became Tom. We fear for Tom, skinny and skittish. What has he been through? What is his fate? He makes rare appearances, seeking out shelter or food, running away at the sight of a large two legged creature. Someone left turkey on the deck for him and it wasn't me. He didn't eat it. Maybe he was craving cheeseburgers.

Cheeseburgers? Like this one?


FIve Guys is a small chain with delicious cheeseburgers and no milkshakes. It was no Red Mill but it hit the spot. Now, is there one in Asheville?

Asheville? Like this one? Ok, enough of that. I toured Asheville this weekend with the wonderful Ada Faye. We drove around looking at potential houses for me to buy. It poured the entire time so of course every place felt cozy and like home. Our day started at "Rise and Shine" in North Asheville. Ada ordered cheese and garlic on her hash browns. She is now my hero. Check out how awesome her breakfast looked!
In driving around we passed the "Orange Peel." The sign made my giggle so I snapped a photo. I'm 12, what can I say?
We ended our search for the day at these townhomes between north Asheville and Weaverville. They just about fit what I am looking for in my "starter" home, though they are under construction and I will have to wait for one that is just right for me. (Actually, if those people in the townhome on the right would move out, I would just live there!)
They are next to Lake Louise and just a 5 minute drive to where the magic happens. Sold!

In Memoriam: Three and a half years later

This weekend I visited the campus of Virginia Tech, a mere 5 minutes from where I currently lay my head. I'm sure we all remember what happened in April, 2007 on Virginia Tech's campus and if you don't, take a break, and visit Google before reading the rest of this. For some reason on that April day I felt like there had been an attack on my home front and I had to get to Blacksburg to see my family, mourn with the town, and be a part of the unfortunate, historical event. It doesn't define the town or the campus by any means but it will never, ever be forgotten.

I snatched up a last minute travel deal and headed from Seattle to Blacksburg a few days later. What I found when I walked onto campus the Saturday after the incident was nothing short of spectacular. It was a sea of maroon and orange with so much noise and pride I swore I was at a football game and a basketball game at the same time. It was pure Hokie pride, a mourning with color, and determination that life will go on. Impromptu memorials were set up, tents with posters, letters, and banners from schools across the state and country spread across the Drill Field. I signed one, stuck a "Today we are all Hokies" sticker on one and walked around, taking in the air thick with sadness and resoluteness.

Well, I didn't travel 3000 miles for such colorful enthusiasm. No, melancholy Eme Ashe came partially to mourn. The next day I awoke early and arrived on campus while the sun was still rising and the bright orange shirts were still folded nicely in hotel dresser drawers. I took a front row viewing of the signs, pictures, and flowers piled high for each student lost that day. And then it happened, the incident that would prove valuable for my Social Psychology presentation just a few months later in graduate school. An example of the bystander effect and social diffusion of responsibility.

Along with signs, pictures, and flowers were also candles. Candles in paper cups. Next to flowers wrapped in tissue paper. Any guesses what happened next? It's early Sunday morning and I am at the impromptu memorial with a handful of other mourners who got up early to see the campus quiet. I look down and notice near my feet a candle has burned its wick and moved on to the paper cup. As I keep watching I realize this flame, though small, means business. Sure enough, it ignites the tissue paper next to it and then a fire we have. All the while I am thinking, "That flame is going to catch that cup on fire. Oops, that cup is on fire! Whoa, that is totally going to catch the tissue paper on fire. Uh-oh, is that flower burning?" In the span of about one minute I can see the entire, flammable, memorial going up in smoke. I even take time to think, "That would really suck if this thing caught on fire. It's already such a sad time. That would be the last thing we want to happen." And still, I DO NOTHING.

Bystander effect: Everyone sees what is going on and yet, no one takes action.

Social diffusion of responsibility: "It's not my job, someone else will do something."

Eventually, I decide I can't let the flowers and pictures burn and no one else is stepping up so I have to. I recognize my limitations and rather than stamping out the fire, I pick up the flower on fire and hit it against the ground until the fire goes out. That's right, I picked up part of the memorial and beat it repeatedly against the ground while people next to me were crying. You can see why no one else wanted to do that. Meanwhile, by this point the burning cup is basically a raging inferno, determined to burn all the tissue paper in its path. I know it needs to be suffocated. I also know if I try to step on it, I will catch my leg on fire. (Anyone who knows me knows I'm right about that.) I start to panic. Seriously, this memorial cannot burn. It just can't. Why is nobody helping me? There are at least a dozen bystanders!

FINALLY, after several people watched me attempt to keep the Virginia Tech campus from burning to a crisp, a man hovers over me as I squat next to the fire, staring at it in panic, and says, "You got that under control?" No, no I don't.

"No, no I don't. I think we need to step on that," I say, pointing to the fireball at our feet. We both stare at it for a few seconds before he takes his huge, fireproof boot, and smashes the cup, suffocating the flames, and saves the day. HOORAY! What took him so long? Come on people, couldn't you see I was failing? Fascinating bit of social psychology in action right there coupled with a terrifying incident that really would have made the lingering media happy.

Here are some pictures of the memorial that day followed by some pictures of the campus yesterday, three and a half years later.

2007




2010