Breaking up with the break-up

Have you ever been in a relationship a LITTLE too long? By the time you actually break up you realize it's too late. You waited too long. You've already started hating everything about each other that you once loved. Being "just friends" is suddenly not even a remote possibility. Sometimes, breaking up with that break-up ends up being even more difficult than the actual break-up. I've ended my relationship with Seattle. Even though we stayed together a little too long, I can't seem to just end it completely. I need to break up with the break-up.

The things that I thought would be difficult are easy and vice-versa. For example, watching the Seahawks play or watching Grey's Anatomy, as the camera pans the Sound or shows the rain falling while everyone is drinking coffee. Even if that is not what is on the screen, that is what I see. It's a whole world that while completely familiar, seems a lifetime away. It should be difficult to watch, but it's not. It is strangely comforting. On the other hand, what should be easy is actually difficult. My computer is hindering my break-up's break-up. All of my bookmarks are still set to my Seattle life. Hey, so what if I want to read www.seattletimes.com to get my daily, National news fix? So what if www.komonews.com shows me the happenings in and around the Puget Sound area? I like reading www.myballard.com. It captures my old neighborhood...that I actually hated...that I read about for a year while I was in my apartment...hating my life.

Ooooohhhhh.

I see. Holding on to these informative websites and my patterns of reading them is holding me back from say, www.citizen-times.com and all of those other Asheville related websites I have listed under "Things to Read." I need to move on. I need to break up with this break-up. I need to let it go.

A few lines from a movie have been going through my head for the past month or so. You think you know me well? Do ya? What movie is it then? Huh? Well, it's Top Gun. OF COURSE. Maverick loses Goose. He goes back up in the air but he won't engage. HE WON'T ENGAGE. That is how I feel. I'm here, I'm in Asheville, I am broken up with Seattle but I just cannot engage in my new relationship. Yet. Here is how I feel. Maverick said it best.

"I WILL FIRE WHEN I AM GOD DAMN GOOD AND READY. YOU GOT THAT?"

Thanks Maverick. I love you. I will break up with this break-up in my own time. When I am ready. Good and ready. God damn good and ready.

(Um, does anyone want to come over tomorrow and watch Top Gun? Bring the DVD please. And no, you won't be getting it back.)