Shh!

I am feeling a little under the weather this weekend and spent most of my time at home, which was actually rather nice. I had a lot of time to think about my new place and my old place actually. I've always been someone who wants more or more accurately, wants something different. I don't think I'm never happy or never satisfied, but I do feel like I'm always searching for what comes next. All that to say that I know I whined about my old apartment and I know it affected my quality of life but what I don't know is how much of that was my fault. Was I just complaining? Was it really that bad? Was I really so unhappy? Was it the apartment's fault or mine?

I probably made it worse on my psyche than it needed to be but I didn't realize its full effect on me until today. I awoke early with the sniffles and checked the time. All last year it was very difficult for me to relax on the weekends. The first thing I did when I woke up was check the time. I knew someone would start doing laundry by 10, or break the rules and start early. My apartment would shake, doors would slam, it was awful. This happened almost every single Saturday and Sunday. In the rare instance someone did not do laundry immediately in the morning, I felt tense as I lay in bed, waiting for the washer to start.

That is just one example. Today I realized that I could relax. My wall was not about to start shaking. I was not about to hear doors slamming and people talking as they clomped down the hallway. The elevator was not going to 'ding' over and over as people left for their days, probably after starting their laundry. A bus was not going to by. People standing outside the bar across the street were not going to be loud as they smoked their cigarettes. All of those sounds that kept me tense and miserable for a year are gone.

So today, I laid in my bed, blowing my nose, and sleeping until almost noon. It was peaceful, restful, and quiet. I'm feeling better, my sniffles and my psyche. I can relax. I need to start settling in and realizing this place is mine for awhile. Welcome quiet. Welcome.