The Angry Recruiter - Part 1

It's happening. The weather is nice. Spring is in the air. My thoughts are happy. Life is good.

And then.

Then, I go to work. And read resumes. And am reminded of how low my tolerance is for some things. (By "some things," I mean awesome* people.)

I'm thinking about starting a blog called, "The Angry Recruiter." Professionally I think that would likely be a poor choice and so I won't actually do it. Or maybe I will but I won't share it. Or maybe I'll wait until I'm a cranky, old man and then I'll share it. Or maybe I'll write it anonymously in the voice of a cranky old man. Yes! That is it!

One of the things I really like about myself is that I am a fairly practical person. Sure, I don't always make the practical decision but if I don't, I know I don't. I get it. I usually have a good idea of how the world sees me, for better or for worse, for crazy or not, for annoying or not, for oblivious or not. Ok, yes, I have done awesome things like cutting people off on the road, (I even received applause once which is way more humbling than the finger,) or sending emails I shouldn't, (do we all remember that day?) BUT, in general I am not an awesome person.

Are you? Are you awesome when you're applying for jobs? Because if you are, you need to read The Angry Recruiter, which I've heard a cranky, old man is working on right now. All of this is just a big lead in to some words of advice for you job seekers out there. Or let's be honest, I really just needed to use my blog as my outlet on this topic. That's what blogs are for right? Let it out! Capture the moment, whatever it is! Here are some awesome things to not do.

1. Don't not submit a cover letter if the application process asks for one. Following directions is the first step.
2. Don't use the Microsoft cover letter template for your cover letter. Angry Recruiters know it by heart.
3. Don't write a half-ass cover letter. (For example: "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa." No really, the field didn't ask you to fill it up, it asked you to put a cover letter there.)
4. Don't apply for a job you are not at all qualified for. Just don't. It is a waste of everyone's time.
5. Proofread. There is no excuse for a misspelled word (unless you are a blogger and have a disclaimer stating as such.)
6. Don't write a 12 page cover letter. Short and sweet. It probably won't get read anyway but if it does, it better be good.
7. Don't put all your personal information on your resume. Kids, health, marital status - really people? It's 2011. If you think that is a good idea you are out of touch.
8. Don't write your cover letter in the 3rd person voice. Don't do that. No really, don't. It's not cute, it's not creative. It's creepy.
9. Don't cut and paste discrimination language onto your cover letter. It is threatening. And scary. And you are probably crazy.
10. Don't list, "surf the Internet," as a hobby. In fact, don't list any of your hobbies. Nobody cares about your hobbies.

Alright, so maybe this post is a little harsh. Maybe people who do the above aren't awesome. Maybe they are just not practical. Maybe they just don't get it. If you've ever done the above...well, I'm sorry that I called you awesome. But maybe you are.




*by awesome, I mean stupid